Outsourcing
Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead. quot;The cost savings will be quite significantquot; says Congressman Adam Smith (D -Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. quot;We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage,quot; Congressman Smith said. Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit. Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary! of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will be open. quot;I am excited to serve in this position,quot; Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. quot;Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday.quot; Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully ware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson further noted that quot;additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself.quot; Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited. A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army National Guard. There he would be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before. quot;I've been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions there,quot; stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop. Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.While the above is a forgery, it is completely true.
It is also a Democratic plot. Along with the liberal media.
Ridiculous concept. It would be a much better savings for the presidency to be given to a trained chimpanzee. There would be no drop in performance. In fact, in many areas, it would be a step up. Imagine the benefits in diplomacy! quot;Will you be signing the Kyoto Accord, President Bubbles? Oh my God, he's crapping in his hands and throwing it at us!quot;
The solution isn't outsourcing, it's redefining the job goals to concentrate more on bananas, scratching oneself while hanging by the feet from trees, and being able to roll the upper lip over the nose.
As someone who was recently out-sourced, I do not look forward to the day when we all will be either flipping burgers or greeting people at the local Wal-Mart.
Charlie (will code for self respect) Monoxide
Originally posted by Charlie Monoxide
As someone who was recently out-sourced, I do not look forward to the day when we all will be either flipping burgers or greeting people at the local Wal-Mart.
Charlie (will code for self respect) Monoxide C'mon - I'll bet you can just walk down the street and get a good-paying job dealing blackjack. Might breathe a lot of second-hand cigarette smoke, but I'll bet the tips are good.
Originally posted by BPSCG
C'mon - I'll bet you can just walk down the street and get a good-paying job dealing blackjack. Might breathe a lot of second-hand cigarette smoke, but I'll bet the tips are good. I was thinking about that. I'm not sure what is involved to become a dealer at the casinos, but worth looking into. I've been working in IT for over 20 years (yeesh, I'm getting old) and really should expand my horizons. It'll be a cut in pay, but I'd move to Nevada and not pay state income tax (right now I'm on the CA side of South Tahoe).
I really don't care to live in the snow. I spent 35 years of my life in a cold place in Canada, and hated the winter. I lived for about 5 years within walking distance of the world's longest skating rink (Rideau Canal in Ottawa), and not once slapped on a pair of skates. I want to be out of SLT by the end of October. hopefully doing some IT work in Sacramento or San Francisco. I am getting calls about work, but at a reduced rate.
Plan B is to become a stock day trader. Either that or a card counter at the Black Jack tables.
Charlie (pining for work) Monoxide
Originally posted by Charlie Monoxide
Plan B is to become a stock day trader. Ow. There's an old joke: Question: How do you make a small fortune? Answer: Start with a large one and open a winery.
Becoming a day trader is another answer. My sense of it is that it requires an enormous amount of discipline.
Dealing blackjack? How tough can that be to learn? Whenever I'm in Tahoe, it seems to me most of the dealers look like they come from southeast Asia. I imagine the pay ain't so hot.
What's the market like for IT people in a larger area - say Sacramento?
Originally posted by BPSCG
Ow. There's an old joke: Question: How do you make a small fortune? Answer: Start with a large one and open a winery.
Becoming a day trader is another answer. My sense of it is that it requires an enormous amount of discipline.
Dealing blackjack? How tough can that be to learn? Whenever I'm in Tahoe, it seems to me most of the dealers look like they come from southeast Asia. I imagine the pay ain't so hot.
What's the market like for IT people in a larger area - say Sacramento? Yup, a day trader is a good way to kill some time and deplete a bank account of $10,000's. I use to do simple stock trading (always long, hope springs eternal) and only made a pittance, but lost about $5,000 during the bust of 2001. The money left over went to my ex-wife as a divorce settlement.
Sacramento, being the capital of California and aka quot;government townquot; (with King Arnorld I, in charge) has opportunities for me. I lived there before, but prefer SF for the great weather (and motorcycling friendly coast and city). Things seem to be picking up. I usually check DICE and note the number of jobs. Right now it's in the upper 50k, but I've seen it as low and sub 20k.
Amazingly, in the last 4 or 5 years I've always lucked into interesting (and lucrative) jobs, and always via phone interviews.
Still, perhaps being a dealer at a SLT casino could allow me to meet some rich, lonely, blue haired beauty, who is recently widowed.
Charlie (I feel so David Rothy) Monoxide
Originally posted by Charlie Monoxide allow me to meet some rich, lonely, blue haired beauty, who is recently widowed.Don't forget the blonde eyes!
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